NETWORKING - WHAT I LEARNT WHEN I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO SHOW UP
Your next best client is already in a room somewhere. Go find them.
I’ll be honest. Networking was never my thing.
Not because I can’t hold a conversation, most people would never pick it. But because I’m an introvert. And walking into a room full of people I don’t know takes every ounce of energy I have. So for a long time, I just… didn’t go. I’d think about going. Talk myself into it. Then quietly talk myself back out of it. Or I’d actually go, walk in, and head straight to the bar, because at least then I had something to do. Something to hold. Somewhere to stand. A reason not to feel completely awkward while scanning the room like a lost tourist.
And then I’d leave thinking, “why is this so hard?”
The shift came when I moved to a new town and didn’t have a choice anymore. No familiar faces. No safe pockets. No one to hide behind. If I wanted to grow my business, I had to show up. So I ripped the bandaid off. I started going to events — not perfectly, not confidently — but consistently. And something interesting happened. I got so interested in other people that I forgot to talk about myself. I’d ask questions, listen to their stories, get genuinely curious and I loved it. But afterwards I’d realise I’d spent the whole evening asking about everyone else and sharing absolutely nothing about me. Great conversations. Zero trace of who I was. I’d essentially been a very enthusiastic interviewer with no name tag.
The women who changed how I thought about it
The funny thing is, I'd had great examples right in front of me all along. Women who I had worked with in the past, who had this natural ability to make people feel at ease, create real connection, and leave you thinking about them long after the conversation ended. I'd watched them do it. I'd admired it. And then I'd gone home and done absolutely nothing with it.
But when I was forced to step up — new town, no safety net, business depending on it, I realised I wasn't starting from zero. Those observations had been quietly filing themselves away. I had a starting point. I just hadn't needed it badly enough to use it yet. The message was always there: be memorable. Not by pitching. Not by trying to impress. Just by being real.
Now, let's talk about being memorable. Because there are many ways to be memorable at a networking event, and I've witnessed most of them.
Spilling your drink on yourself — memorable. Spilling it on someone else — very memorable, possibly career-defining. Wearing the outfit that made everyone think the dress code said "beach formal" — memorable. Having one too many wines and delivering an unsolicited keynote to a group of strangers — unforgettable, and not in the way we're going for.
The goal is to be the person people are still thinking about the next morning for all the right reasons. The one they tell their partner about over dinner. "I met this woman tonight — you'd love her."
That kind of memorable.
And that’s when it clicked. Networking isn’t about how many people you meet. It’s about who remembers you afterwards.
So this is how I do it now
Not perfectly. Not without effort. But in a way that actually works for me.
I show up as me — just slightly elevated. I don’t overdress. I don’t try to be someone I’m not. I wear something that feels like me, just a little more put together. Because if I’m comfortable, I’m present. And if I’m present, I’m memorable.
I arrive early, and I often offer to help. It gives me a purpose from the moment I walk in — and people always remember the person who showed up and pitched in before anyone else even arrived.
And yes. I still go straight to the bar. Every time. It gives me something to do, something to hold, a moment to land. From there it’s so much easier to step into a conversation.
Once I’m settled, I look for the person standing alone. And here’s the thing about opening a conversation — I never ask “so what do you do?” That’s the most predictable line in the room, and it sends people straight into autopilot. I’m not interested in their elevator pitch. I’m interested in them.
The best opening line isn’t something you can plan before you walk in. It’s a genuine observation about the moment you’re both in. You’re in the same room, the same slightly-too-warm venue, eyeing off the same questionable canapés. Use that. Notice something. Comment on something that just happened. Make an observation that only that person, in that moment, would appreciate. It’s spontaneous. It’s situational. And it makes them laugh, or nod, or go “oh my god, yes.” Suddenly you’re two real people having a real moment — not two strangers running through a checklist. You cannot fake that. And that’s exactly the point. It requires you to actually be present, which is where the real connection begins anyway.
From there, I stay curious. I ask about their life, not just their work. I listen properly. I learn to read the room, notice when someone’s genuinely engaged, know when the conversation has run its course. Forcing it never feels right for either person. So I focus on a few real conversations rather than trying to work the whole room, because people don’t remember how many hands you shook. They remember how you made them feel.
Where this led me
All of this is exactly what led me to become part of the founding committee for Connect Her — a Women in Business group built on something beautifully simple.
“Get to know her, like her, trust her and then do business with her”
No pressure. No pitch. Just real connection first. And I’ve seen firsthand how powerful that is when you let it work the way it’s supposed to.
Why this actually matters right now
We rely so heavily on digital now. Social media, websites, emails, our whole “digital presence.” And yes, it matters. But it’s not the whole picture. Because real connection happens face to face, in conversation, in the small human moments that no algorithm can replicate.
Trust is built in those moments. Referrals come from them. Relationships that turn into real opportunities, the kind where someone says “you need to meet Toni” — those only come from genuine connection. Not instantly. But over time, consistently, they do.
If networking feels hard for you…
I get it. I was you.
And here's something nobody tells you before you walk in — vulnerability is your secret weapon. Not weakness. Not oversharing your life story to a stranger by the cheese board. But that moment where you admit "I find these things terrifying too" and watch someone's whole face relax because they felt exactly the same. That's connection. You can't manufacture it and you can't fake it, but when it happens the whole room shifts.
People don't connect with perfect. They connect with real. And real takes courage.
So sometimes growth looks like walking into a room you don't want to be in, going straight to the bar, and then saying something genuine to the person standing on their own. Not a rehearsed line. Just a human moment. Messy, imperfect, real.
That's where the connection begins and that's where your business actually grows.
Toni
Virtually Done Business Support
